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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Zombies need vitamins

Sometimes too much stuff happens in too short of a time period and then I don't know how to write all of that down and it feels like it will take forever so I just watch the Walking Dead instead. But today I remembered the concept of a list.

1. I had to get a bunch of teeth taken out. I misunderstood what the dentist told me so for a few weeks I walked around thinking I was going to have big giant gaps in my front teeth for an unspecified time. At first I freaked out, then I decided to use it as an opportunity to let go of the mandate that all girls are conditioned to follow from birth, the unspoken tyranny that your worth and value is defined by how you look. After I accepted this it began to feel like freedom from something I didn't know had always constrained me.
 Then I went to the dentist, got the teeth out, looked in the mirror and realized that I had misunderstood him and the missing teeth aren't really that noticeable at all. But I was given the opportunity to like myself anyway-even when I was facing the idea of walking around with a big snaggle toothed smile, which reminded me once again (life keeps reminding me of this, over and over) that things aren't usually as bad as they seem, and you can find the silver lining in almost any experience if you look for it.
(When the worst thing ever happens to you- that is one more thing you now don't have to be afraid of.)

2. The epinephrine in the shot my dentist gave me caused me to have a porphyria attack, which landed me in the hospital for five days (including my birthday and Valentines Day) While I was there they discovered I have a zinc deficiency (which causes, among other things, psychosis, depression, and cracking, rapidly decaying teeth) I began taking zinc and N-Acetyl-Cysteine (an antioxidant that is the precursor to something called glutathione.) Without enough glutathione your body can't process and get rid of toxins like heavy metals. They build up in your tissues (like the brain) and cause all kinds of diseases and central nervous system dysfunction.

(Then I got a really sophisticated heavy metals test and discovered that I have extremely high levels of mercury and lead in my body. Both mercury and lead can induce what is called 'acquired porphyria'. So now I know why I got sick, and I'm taking stuff that removes these substances from my body.)

3. Within a few days of taking these supplements my anxiety; the weepy, unexplained sadness at inappropriate times and soul crushing depression disappeared and hasn't come back. It's been seven weeks I'd had a pretty consistent feeling of calm, happy well being--which feels like bliss after years of misery. This happened pretty much overnight.
I will be writing more about the science behind this because I think it's fascinating and extremely relevant but I want to make this point really clear- I have cured my depression and it looks like I'm curing my porphyria with vitamin and mineral supplements. I am not taking pharmaceutical antidepressants.

4. Here is what it's like to emerge from a long, seemingly never ending nightmare of physical and emotional pain-
Nothing has changed. I am still broke. I'm still tired a lot. I still have the same problems I had seven weeks ago-
But I feel good.

 I find myself laughing at things when they're funny. Really laughing-like when you try to stop and you can't, you wipe tears out of your eyes instead, which I haven't been able to do for years. (glutathione)
I have an appetite, I can taste my food again. I've gained ten pounds. (zinc)
Instead of feeling like I am watching myself from afar like a character in a movie I'm really in my body again. (methylated folate, B6, B12)
I feel like myself.
I don't wake up at four AM in a panic worried about everything. If something bad happens I know I will handle it.
I can hear the birds sing again. (That might not be a vitamin. That might be the boyfriend)

5. I fell in love. That, by itself, can change everything. Especially if your body is suddenly capable of methylating your folic acid and processing your toxins.

So- now I'm having all of these moments where I think "Oh, this is that moment I used to imagine when that crazy, awful nightmare would be over and my life would be so awesome. The one that I kept imagining but the biggest part of me didn't really believe would ever happen, not really. That moment is now."
So-depressed people! That can totally happen.
It keeps surprising me.
I had forgotten what it was like to feel good.

I believe that the relatively recent spike in psychiatric disorders is caused by a combination of vitamin and mineral deficiencies and an overwhelming toxic load of substances we didn't evolve to be able to process. I think this because I have spent thousands of hours lying in bed reading medical studies to understand what's wrong with me, and with the help of a PHD biochemist-I am curing my lifelong disorder. I'm going to write about this in more depth later because when you lay it all out for people it really makes a lot of sense.
But right now, since getting better is a long process, I'm going to go watch another episode of the Walking Dead and think about all the vitamin deficiencies those zombies probably have.


  1. Yay, you! This is such wonderful news.

  2. Wow so good to hear you are feeling better and finding out more about what has caused your illnesses. I too have been suffering similar to you and while I tested negative to porphyria, my oxalate and creatinine levels are high. I too have noticed SO many physical and mental changes since starting on b3,b6 and b12. It is scary to think just how many are suffering, on crazy meds, in psych wards or dead due to lacking b vitamins and doctors never look at that. The difference in my memory, negativity, energy, capacity to 'feel' and so much more in these last few months is miraculous.
    It's great to read that you have a new love, love can be healing too, it's hard to feel lovable when your mind s depleted of nutrients and you are hiding away, scared that you are crazy even though you KNOW you're not..
    Thankyou for your writings, your honesty and determination is so inspiring and you are helping many people, most people read but don't post, this is important stuff, re vitamins and depression/illness and it needs to get out there. So many people debilitated and hiding and dying and perhaps alot of it caused by lack of b vitamins. Even lacking just ONE of the b vitamins can cause schizophrenic/ocd/crazy behavior. I have lived it and its hell.
    how strong you have been sunny to get this far running on less than empty. For me the best thing is being able to hold my head high lately, I'm sane and always knew it, just couldn't show it.
    look after yourself and just know your writings help many.

  3. I'm so glad for you Sunny, enjoy the relief! It's amazing how often the biggest troubles have simple solutions, it's just hard to find the causes.

  4. What I find interesting is that many things I've read on autism in children describe it similarly as an inability to process toxic substances in the body & brain. Sounds very similar.