Wednesday, December 11, 2013
There are Lots of Vaginas at Bed, Bath, and Beyond
If you draw this card it represents an opportunity of great freedom, as in the guy you are dating will suddenly tell you he's bought a ticket to see his ex girlfriend in Morrocco, which gives you the opportunity to send "The Second Favorite Text I Have Ever Sent" as follows-
I HOPE SHE LEAVES YOU IN THE DESERT AND YOU GET ABDUCTED BY THE SAND PEOPLE AND THEY GIVE YOU A VENEREAL DISEASE THAT WESTERN DOCTORS DON'T KNOW HOW TO CURE.
"The Most Favorite Text I Ever Got To Send" was this text-
to an okcupid date I hadn't met yet who texted at 2 AM-
HEY GIRL, WHAT'S UP
"I'm SORRY< BUT I BROKE MY VAGINA YESTERDAY IN A FRISBEE GOLF ACCIDENT. GOOD LUCK IN YOUR SEARCH, THOUGH. TRY BED, BATH, AND BEYOND. I'VE HEARD THERE ARE LOTS OF VAGINAS THERE.
So, in conclusion, what I am saying is this-
Online dating can be really fun
if your idea of "fun" is sitting at home in your sweatpants cracking your own self up writing text messages to strangers.