Tomorrow morning my Match.com subscription finally expires. I am tired of dating/ it's a time suck/ men are bossy and they don't like my art truck. Jesus approves of this decision because he sent me a tiny miracle, a little gift that floated down from heaven like a dove-something I want more than anything in the world-a note form a crazy person. Enjoy.
Hello Pretty Lady!
I read your profile. I liked you as a person in it very much.
I am MOVING TO TEXAS near you.
I have been on for a while. I cannot find a woman like you and your profile in real life. I have so much to offer a woman, but most women are unable to see this, for some reason.
I love people. I would love to love a woman and to be loved by a woman, forever.
I want to get married and have a child. I gladly will accept a woman's prior child, in addition to creating our own child together.
I am a strong, vigorous, healthy cardiothoracic surgeon. I have yet to reach the apex of my professional career. I expect to be working full time 20 more years. I want to get married and have a child.
I will provide you with qualities in a man that you appreciate and enjoy, with me by your side. We will create a fun filled, loving relationship together and match each other's wishes and intimate desires.
Let’s not waste time. Let’s contact each other now and see what happens.
You seem like a very interesting woman to me. Your pictures show how sexy you are.
Have a great day!
So I wrote back-
Dear Dr. S,
I am a fertile, 37 year old woman. I desire to have many more children as quickly as possible. Time waits for no one! And the number of childbearing years ahead of me are dwindling. My eggs are becoming old and feeble. I need a strong, capable family man to support me and my children.
It seems as though we share this desire to have a child together. Am I right?
I already own one child. It would be very important that you can accept my other child and not reject it because it's not your own seed. Can you do this? I think you can.
How about religion? I am Wiccan-which is why I could immediately see just from looking at your picture that you and I would produce strong healthy offspring as well as be very compatible sexually.
I know this because Wiccans brew strong teas that enable us to see clearly into the future. You and I are destined to live and breathe as one being, in and out, merging into one ManWoman that wears shorts and exercises outdoors and makes viable infants for at least another 4-5 years. I also like to travel.
Please write back immediately. Please. I am just going to be here waiting for you to write back. Write back okay? I love you, S
He was really excited about my claims of fertility-
Dear "S":
Thanks for your interesting note.
I definitely want to have a child of my own with the woman that I marry. This is one reason why I need a woman who is less than about 40 years old. At 40, a woman's fertility plummets like a Niagra waterfall to 10-20%. By 43, her percentage fertility is in a single, low digit, someimes near 1%. This is why we see celebrities and career dominated women having in vitro fertilization and/or hormonal assitance to become pregnant. Due to my age, such forms of assistance may be necessary in my situation as well. Nobody knows until sexual intercourse is done and tests are done, if necessary.
I have nothing in common with a person my age. I work with people your age and younger. I have yet to enjoy the vigor of a young marriage and a vibrant, active family.
As my note to you stated, I can accept and I will accept a child from another relationship that my marital partner has had. Naturally, I would need to see the child and see how it all works.
I have never heard of Wiccan. After you mentioned it, I looked it up on the Internet, so I have some idea about Wiccanism now. Please tell me more about it and you.
What made you decide to get a tattoo?
Do you use Skype?
Love, Dr. S.
This guy is starting to seem really hot, right? so I wrote-
Greetings Sexy Dr. S!
I am proficient at Skype. However some crackheads broke into my apartment last week and stole my web cam. They also took my cat- so I am looking for a black cat to replace it if you come across one.
Wiccanism is a very old form of yoga that was practiced back in Jesus' time all the way up until the French Revolution-when it died out after they beheaded Anne Boleyn for telling people to eat cake. Remember that? People lost interest in it after that.
But now that no one really beheads anymore it's been enjoying a resurgence-largely due to the efforts of such celebrities as Rosie O'Donnell and Kathie Lee Gifford. It is more than putting magic spells on men to procure their precious essences-it's a way of life.
Like meditation.
Or The Secret.
I am most fertile on the first three days of the month. Do you travel during that time? I hope not.
Where did you buy those shorts? They are cute. I would like for you to buy some of these shorts for me please. Then we can match.
Here is my real email address. i will not be on this site much longer because I have to save money to buy another cat. Look forward to hearing from you.
PLEASE WRITE BACK SOON.
S
So Now he just wants to Skype. And I lied about that to impress him-I really dont know how to use Skype. Is it an "app" or whatever for the computer? Hate technology. But I can't let this one get away.
To. Be. Continued.
