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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

There is no Groupon for the Apocalypse

Dear World- This blog post is now part of my new book so I took it down because I don't want to be a jerk and ruin it for you-

you're welcome

a preview of this awesomeness that includes a bunch of illustrations I drew all by myself

is available to download for 99 cents on Amazon by clicking here-

Beauty Tips for the Bereaved

Or you can go "like" our facebook page and read the preview for free by clicking here-

This book is not a memoir.

It's a Survival Guide.

If you woke up this morning wondering if you can make it through the day

this book will be the little paper cup of water popping up unexpectedly by the side of the road.

If you are thinking to yourself-"My life is so much more fucked than anyone else I know."

this book will show you how to dig through the wreckage and find something priceless.

If you are doing just fine, thank you, but need something to read on that long flight next week-

I will make you laugh

(even if you don't want to)

and make you cry

(sometimes that feels good too)

but I promise to give you something beautiful.

(Not to give anything away but it has a happy ending. It's currently unfolding right now.)

Because here is the thing no one tells you-

when you lose everything,

when you think you have nothing left to offer that anyone will value-

you can give the world your truth.

Dear World,

Here is my love letter to you.

Here is my story.


  1. Welcome back - most happy to get to read your blog again!

  2. I love your writing, and I'm glad you're back. ;)

    I laughed outloud in the coffee shop I'm sitting in (where I must have absolute silence but it's really legit because I'm studying things to save the animals, goshdarnit) when I read: "I never had a secret yet chaste love affair with a hot adolescent vampire." I've not heard it so aptly described before. Well done.

  3. "Whatever you have in your head is a tool you don't have to carry in your pack."

    seriously. i love your dad.

  4. Oh golly, oh golly, I am so glad you are back here writing again! Could I come with you at the end?--I know you can sew, but I can knit warm winter woolies, hats, and stuff like that. You know, just in case the global warming skeptics are right and things go the other direction.

    Really missed your writing. You had me at the title of this post and kept me smiling all the way through to the end--except when you said we couldn't come along.

  5. Thanks Sharon,
    While we appreciate your knitting skills and obvious enthusiasm we currently only have openings for -
    1. People who have the same blood type as me
    (A positive)
    2. Navy Seals
    We will keep your application on file in the HR database and let you know if any Expert Knitter spots open up for the Apocalypse.

  6. My parents ask my older sister what the hell I'm talking about when my blog is too dirty for them to understand. Best part: my older sister is also my godmother. But my parents still read me. And they're "so proud."

  7. Ha, wow , geeze. I was just taking a little a.d.d. break from making stuff to do a quick search for “how to photograph stuff” for an online class idea when etsy popped up and then side tracked by your hot, well photographed, dresses. But now just for little girls? Running out of fabric? Then I see you have a blog. Glad you decided to use your biz name. I came for the writing. You could, in fact, write a teenage (or adult) memoir, conjoined circus seamstress that you are. Put it down on real paper. What a bummer when bookstores and libraries go away and everything is on electronic readers. But it will come back. After the big emp. (electromagnetic pulse) that causes the apocalypse of your dreams. All computers fried and confused like zombies. Wow, paper, what a great idea. Ok I’m going home now, to watch reruns of MacGyver on Net Flix .