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Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Ghost Story

Can it possibly be true that I am the only person who has never seen a ghost?
I just finished reading "Her Fearful Symmetry" by the same woman who wrote The Time Travelers Wife. It was really good.
I am really impressionable.
"I think there is a ghost in the house," I told Jeff."That is why I'm always cold. Also, that explains the missing 400 dollars."
"What are you reading right now?" He eyed me with suspicion.
So I've been thinking about ghosts even though I don't believe in them, or anything, really. I told my friend Sarah this last night.
"There is a ghost attached to my favorite necklace!" she cried."It's in the garage!"
"I took it out to the garage last week because of the ghost."
"Why do you think there is a ghost attached to your necklace?" I asked, feeling crazy for asking, but curious.
"I told my friend that since I got it all of my other necklaces have broken. She took it in to this shaman she works with-"
Dont even ask, I thought.
"And he said there is an evil spirit attached to the stone, so I took it off."
"Give it to me," I told her."I will evict the ghost."
I said this because
A. I don't believe in the supernatural.
B. I really want to see something supernatural.
"Oh we've seen ghosts," she said."My whole family saw one once.'
Hey, spirit world-why not me? What is wrong with me? Everyone I know has some stupid ghost story and all I have to counter with is-"One time me and my ex boyfriend had a similar dream on the same night."
It's so embarrassing.
Why can't I see some bullshit? And don't tell me it's because I don't believe, because I used to believe in EVERYTHING. You could tell me that in our past lives I owed you five dollars and I'd start pulling bills out of my purse. I was so gullible a man once convinced me that he flew around in his sleep having conversations with my pug dog, Jack.
"What did Jack say?' I asked."Is he happy?"
"He wants you to change his food." the man said.
So I did.
So why can't I see some bullshit?
Maybe this haunted necklace will wreak some havoc. An EVIL ghost-surely more powerful than some ordinary, nice one. More likely to pull my child into the white static on the TV or rattle the dishes, trying to communicate it's evil plans to me. Or just scare me, if it's evil then I'm sure it loves to scare a bitch, right?
She gave it to me, an ordinary labadorite stone. I wore it home.
"What's that?" asked Jeff.
I told him.
"I don't want an evil spirit in the house Sunny."
"What? It's just a necklace, dude."
"No way," he shook his head."I saw a ghost once."
"Jesus - you too? What is wrong with me?" I asked, frustrated.
I hope that the ghost does present itself to me. Anyone have any suggestions, all you people out there with your I'm-so-superior-I've-seen-stuff attitudes?
Today I have had heartburn, but not ghostly heartburn. I've also been really cold( when spirits pass through you-it makes you shiver-so I'm told) but it's snowing here today-so..
And the lights have been dimming. I'm not making that up. They are flickering and dimming every time I walk into the room.
But it could be the weather.
That better not be the extent of it. It better not be some weak ass ghost, not even evil just slightly put out, messing with my lights but never rearing up out of the fireplace in the form of a smoke dragon, or appearing behind me covered in blood in the mirror.
How do i let the ghost know that I want to see it? Maybe it's not technically "Evil" just dark and sarcastic. I would love that kind of ghost.
"What if it's already possessed me?" I thought. Maybe that is why I have a strong craving for tomato soup.
If it really is evil, that could be okay-I could help it draw up plans for it's schemes. I don't mind.I wouldn't even mind if my hair turned white-it would save so much money-not having to worry about getting my highlights done every month.
Send me your ghost stories. If I'm going to be continually rejected by the spirit world then let me live vicariously through you.

Update on Caitlyn-
She is at home, still doing the Optimum Health Institute's detox program. She is growing her own wheatgrass juice and fasting like they teach you to do there. When she gets her blood count done again I'll post about what she learns, hopefully it will be a dramatic improvement. My aunt had to do the program for six months before her cancer went into remission, so we are trying to be patient.
Meanwhile she's decided to take time off from school to write her memoir-which I'll be helping her with as much as I can. She's a brilliant writer and her story is crazy and compelling. I'm really excited to see where it goes( my dream-she will go into complete remission, write a badass book about growing up in the foster care system and we will meet in New York at the secret published book writer's club over wheatgrass and espresso. If not, I just dream she'll get better so she can help me break into that whore's house to steal back my jacket)


  1. Ok, great ghost story for you:
    My husband and I live on my parents-in-law's property. And about two years ago his mother died. I never got to meet her. So now, I swear she comes back all the time to check on us and our new baby. I'll see her in our upstairs. I'll see her downstairs and out in the yard. But the most interesting is that she visits in my dreams and we talk and hang out. And she is always wearing something I have never seen her wear in pictures or anything. We talk about the new baby and the house. I feel like she totally approves of me and our living there and is only there because she loved her son so much and wants to see her first grandchild.
    She's like a friendly protective ghost. Some of the other people on our property have things happen to them too. I've had a few say her favorite cat, who is still alive, is kind of her watcher and protector. I would agree, the cat totally keeps an eye on us too.

  2. WHY NOT ME?
    Can I come to your house and see your ghost? Please?

  3. Ha ha. I have never seen a ghost either..maybe something is wrong with the both of us :(

    I will definitely kick the cancer's ass and we can rob her house and go to secret publishers meeting together in New York :).

  4. Here is a good one......we used to live in a old Victorian house in Portland Oregon. Darling drafty old thing, 2 story porches, attic with a widows walk, no insulation really crappy wiring and plumbing. Anyway, Mom was babysitting my then about two year old nephew. It was nap time, so she was going upstairs, both arms full of freshly folded laundry. They were playing the "who gonna get to Nen's bedroom first game". He always napped on my bed and watched a david the gnome was super boring....any way suprise, he won, got to the top of the stairs and turned and pushed her legs. She couldn't catch herself and started to fall back. She's thinking "oh no, I'm going to be hurt, he will see it,...." those kind of thoughts that flash through your head as you are falling. But then she felt something stop her fall, like a hand in the upper back that just stopped her from tipping too far...yeah. She said she could see Drew saw something too, but he didn't really have many words yet so we could never get him to tell us about it.....
    When I got up at night, I used to see some pale thing out of the corner of my eye sort of there at the top of the stairs but when I turned to look, nothing.... so yeah it was a nice ghosty house!

  5. I'm with you Sunny, i've never seen ANYTHING close to a ghost but... my parents home is built over an amish burial ground (true) and one night i hear them (the amish ghosts) MARCHING in their freaky amish work boots in the kitchen. of course i stay in bed until i just can't take it, i get up, sneak out to the kitchen & wait to see those see-thru amish in their pants closed with straight pins and what do i see.... their (my parents) nasty old dog "digging" in the kitchen rug... i swear it sounded JUST like marching! the funniest thing -my dad told me later he'd heard it too & he was too freaked out to go see what it really was!

  6. Freaky experiences, unexplained, but can't say I've ever seen a ghost. Not sure I'd like to, but I find myself watching those shows on TV where they use the EMF machines and voice recorders & what-not. On those shows they always ask the ghost to "show yourself" and usually a weird sound or something will get thrown or a door shut. Try that. See if Lola begins to whine or whimper.