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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Dentist Dilema

Still in Cedar Fever Hell, on top of which I have a new and disturbing tooth pain. Every time my foot hits the ground a tiny bell of short intense agony sounds in my back left molar.
"Hey there!"
"How ya doing?"
"Still here!"
Which has led to me to make an appointment with my estranged dentist.
I have this amazing root canal guy. I am one of the unfortunate few who have my own root canal guy. Some people have a BMW mechanic guy, or a Lipo Guy or a Tax Guy, I have my oral surgeon on speed dial. Lucky lucky me.
I love him, he is the Davinci of root canals. he once cut open my gum and installed a metal rod above the root of my tooth to save it, and I let him, which says a lot.I even drew him a pen and ink tooth-man wincing gleefully in a little suit in a Vicodin haze one night. They framed it.
His staff is incredible, so funny and kind, and I have a jokey rapport with all of them. Or I should say "had".
Last year, after a root canal, I emailed the office in a fit of compulsive giggles, brought on no doubt by the high levels of opiate painkillers running through my bloodstream.
"Thank you for the excruciating pain." I wrote." Were you drunk? I called the receptionist to ask for drugs and she told me to stop whining or she would come to my house and smack the tar out of me. I had to drive into the ghetto and buy some smack to relieve my agony. You should really screen your staff better." I was dying with laughter when I wrote this, by the way. i peed a little.
He wrote back-"I hope that you are joking."
I panicked. There is nothing worse than being sarcastic with someone ineffectively, especially when the whole subtext of your joking is to say"I like you. Nudging you electronically in the ribs. Haha." It's AWFUL when someone doesn't get your good natured ribbing, but I guess doctors don't like to joke about being drunk during a procedure. Go figure.
"Should I call them? Apologize? Or would that make it worse? What do I do?" I asked my friend carli.
"It was SO inappropriate Sunny, why did you do that?"
"I DON"T KNOW! It was the Vicodin! I thought we had a sarcastic rapport! Now they hate me!"
"Just ignore it." she said. So I did. But now I have a little friend sounding an alarm in the back of my mouth and if I wait any longer I may have to get it pulled-Toothless mouth= homeless chic, not so fashionable, unless you think that meth addicts are hot, and I would like to hang onto my Hot for as long as possible.
So I go in on Friday and I can't decide if I should-
A. Pretend like it didn't happen(not my style, almost unbearable actually)
B. Apologize, (awkward)
C. It's already going south, drive it into the ground."Still hitting the bottle?" or "Load me up on the scrips, Candyman, don't want to have to go to the hood again for a re-up."
Thoughts and suggestions on my course of action would be greatly appreciated.


  1. Since you always had a good relationship maybe when you get there you can just act natural and casually mention the email. Like very nonchalantly say "Hey, I do not know if you remember that email I sent awhile back I was totally joking. I think it was the vicodin talking." You may be surprised to find that he does not remember or that he is over it and it did not strike him in an odd way.

    Stuff like this has happened to me so I completely understand how you are feeling, not knowing what to say and how to make it not be awkward. Whenever I just do not say anything I still have it eating away at me wondering what they are thinking. Maybe you will feel better to get it out of your system and just say it in a casual way.

    I do not know if that helps but good luck! He probably does not care about it the way you think he does - perhaps he even knew it was a joke.

    Take care.


  2. Oh honey, I think you are gonna have to suck it up, explain your wanky email and tell him you are every so sorry. He likely has forgotten it was you, but do it anyway. I too have Steve the root canal guy and a oral surgeon, Roger. My dentist Marvin took over the practice from our old Mom and I broke him in. Fresh out of dental school and he was really crappy with the needle. We had to teach him to drip the Novocain slow, not shove it in like a power shot.
    anyway, good luck!