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Sunday, January 25, 2009

5K Killa

Attention Marathon Runners--
Is it really necessary to close down an entire major street just so you can run down it? Did you know that we live in Texas? There is a lot of land around here. Lots of empty country roads. You and your fellows could run around in the middle of the street every day if you wanted, and never interfere with someones commute. Other people have places to go, and while it may not seem as important to you as jogging in the middle of the road, flanked by orange cones and traffic cops, pouring water on your face or whatever, it's probably pretty important to them.
What's that you say? You need to close down a major street and run around on it so people will watch you, making the effort real and worth it because of the attention you receive? Or maybe drawing attention to whatever charity you are running for? Guess what? When I see your charity's name from now on I will think--Those motherfuckers made me late to pick my daughter up so they could run in the road.
Here's an idea. Donate the 20 dollars you made with your "pledges" to your charity and then buy yourself a treadmill. Or jog in place while watching Tyra like a normal person. If you need people to watch you, get a webcam and pretend you are inconveniencing hundreds of people on a whim.
" Here I am, waving to your car as you are forced to take a detour miles out of your way! I want to run in the road!" It may not be as satisfying to you, but your chances of getting run over by someone like me lessen considerably when you GET. OUT. OF. THE. FUCKING. STREET.