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Saturday, November 7, 2009

Fun Fun Fun

Ladies-
No matter how you try to accessorize it, a bra will never be a shirt. It's not. Really, people can tell if you're trying to substitute it for a swimsuit top too, but they don't care as much. Even black bras shouldn't be worn as a top. Definitely not taupe, skin colored old lady bras with thick straps. You had to know that was a bad idea before you left the house because
a. It's November
b. It's your bra.
What gives?
Saw two of those, one shirtless man, several seizures that turned out to be exhibitions of extreme enthusiasm and lots of falling down today. The "FunFunFun Festival" is going on in Austin this weekend. I didn't want to go this year because last year I didn't even have one fun, despite the promised designation of three times the normal amount of fun. Since I don't drink I don't enjoy

Standing around(when I could be sitting, or better, laying down)

Shouting my conversation close to someones ear("WHAT?"
"I SAID THIS SUCKS!"
"OH YEAH. GET ME ANOTHER BEER WHILE YOU'RE THERE!")

Loud discordant music(sorry fans of punk rock. Your "music" is just painful noise to me. I am not cool.)

So our plan was that Jeff would go while I stayed home with Ruby. Then, my mother spontaneously decided to watch Ruby OVERNIGHT, which made me feel an immediate and urgent need to do something. I called everyone I knew, only to find out that they were down at the fest. I was desperate. Finally, after finding nothing to do, I went down there and snuck in, a decision I would quickly regret.

People really seem to love this "music". They will stand still for long periods of time, nodding or gyrating while they watch a tiny figure on a stage far away, listening to the same music they could download for free while laying down on the sofa.
We ran around after the festival with our friend JMart. He is the most guilelessly cheerful person we know. Imagine drunk Winnie the Pooh carrying a nap sack and greeting every passerby.

"Hey! Hot Dogs!" he shouted as we passed a couple eating hot dogs."All right! Hot dogs!"

Passing a freakishly skinny and circus-tall reveler-
"Hey dude you're tall! You rock!" as he attempts to give the man a high-five.

Later
"Hey! Jean shorts! All right man, jean shorts!"

Later(to what is clearly, in my eyes at least, an aimless drifter looking to cut our throat and steal our change)

"Where's the party man? You need a ride?"

Jmart had Jeff's sweater in his nap sack, and when it got cold Jeff began to focus obsessively on getting it back.
"Jmart keeps running off. I need my jumper."
Me-"Your WHAT?"
"My jumper. You know, I'm cold."
"What the fuck is a jumper?"
"That's what they're called dude."
Me-"We are not in England Jeff."
Even the gays find the word jumper too gay. Unless you are a freshly scrubbed schoolgirl, you are wearing a sweater.

Jmart-
"Hey! How's your jumper? All right!"

2 comments:

  1. You don't drink??? What???

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  2. I would love to drink, I used to, but the spectacular cocktail of anti-anxiety drugs I am taking means two drinks= instant migraine. It sucks, actually, but I do love those drugs, so it's probably worth it in the end. I just find other ways to relax, like playing pranks.

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