Follow by Email

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Chop Chop

Dear World- This blog post is now part of my new book so I took it down because I don't want to be a jerk and ruin it for you-

you're welcome

a preview of this awesomeness that includes a bunch of illustrations I drew all by myself

is available to download for 99 cents on Amazon by clicking here-

Beauty Tips for the Bereaved

Or you can go "like" our facebook page and read the preview for free by clicking here-

This book is not a memoir.

It's a Survival Guide.

If you woke up this morning wondering if you can make it through the day

this book will be the little paper cup of water popping up unexpectedly by the side of the road.

If you are thinking to yourself-"My life is so much more fucked than anyone else I know."

this book will show you how to dig through the wreckage and find something priceless.

If you are doing just fine, thank you, but need something to read on that long flight next week-

I will make you laugh

(even if you don't want to)

and make you cry

(sometimes that feels good too)

but I promise to give you something beautiful.

(Not to give anything away but it has a happy ending. It's currently unfolding right now.)

Because here is the thing no one tells you-

when you lose everything,

when you think you have nothing left to offer that anyone will value-

you can give the world your truth.

Dear World,

Here is my love letter to you.

Here is my story.


  1. I too will have 30 after Friday. Friday they are pulling one. I am sacrificing her/him for the better of the 30 I will have to meticulously care for afterwards. I have minimal dental insurance and for the first time in 39 years. I will be 40 next year. I hope I still have some teeth when I'm 50. My mouth is a warzone I cannot get away from.

    This was a well written post. I told my own dentist that she's had her hands inside me more this month than the man I wed. She laughed. I wanted to cry.

    I did my car..driving home running my tongue across my front six teeth that just had major work done...she told me "those teeth are more me than you".

    That made me cry. Bitch...her not you. Yet I have a date with her Friday at 10:30 to steal my tooth away.

  2. I haven't been to the dentist in almost ten years. And I don't brush or floss nearly as often as I'm supposed to. Yeah. Not smart, I know, but I'm more worried about my brain aneurysming or my heart mytrovalve prolapsing than my teeth disintegrating.

    P.S. I remember reading in your Etsy interview that you collected teeth and once I found a great denture set but my boyfriend bought it before I could. So if he dies in a horrible accident, I will send them to you.

  3. Alexis
    I will be fervently hoping your boyfriend dies in a horrible car crash. Not really. A little, no of course not. Tell him if he just INSISTS on living I'll send him a real human molar in exchange for a pair of dentures. That offer goes out to all my blog homies as well.

  4. Childbirth isnt as bad as root canals....and it hurts even more if said dentist looks like Lucy Lui with the touch of Jack the Ripper...and to cap it all after the mouth crucifixtion she takes ALL your money....

  5. i still have those baby teeth for you! what else am i gonna do with them? in fact, my son pulled another one out just the other day. while i was driving on 183. scared the shit out of me. i didn't even know it was loose.

    i have re-occurring dreams about teeth. lots of variations along the same theme. sometimes they all get loose and wiggly, sometimes one or two falls out, one time a whole big chunk of my jaw came out. that one was fucked up.