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Thursday, September 17, 2009

Vitamn College

A new health food store has opened up down the street, I can't remember the name of it but the sign claims to be "From the Vitamin Cottage".
I love this name. Is it a dwelling fashioned out of vitamins? Is it a house where only vitamins live, perhaps on the cliffs by the Manganese Sea?
" After Vitamin College, the wife and I purchased this Vitamin Cottage."

My mother has a freakishly sensitive sense of smell, and when I was in high school I thought it was really funny to torture her with it. One night after some really big fight with her, I snuck into her bedroom with an exacto knife and cut away a tiny flap in the carpeting under her bead. I inserted a giant B vitamin in the hole and closed it. Do you know that smell? Can you call it up right now?
It drove her crazy. She wandered around like a zombie, getting up multiple times in the middle of the night to vacuum, groggily asking me," Do you smell that?"
"No," I would shrug, barely holding in my glee.
Children are horrible.


  1. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Evil children are so fun!

    I can't believe Vitamin Cottage has gotten big enough to expand to TX! They used to be this tiny, quirky natural foods store in Boulder that I'd shop at from time to time. (Think Sun Harvest when it was in Southwood Mall)

  2. I think the vitamin cottage contains a vitamin witch who lures unsuspecting health nuts into her lair and then puts them in her solar powered oven...