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Sunday, January 25, 2009

5K Killa

Attention Marathon Runners--
Is it really necessary to close down an entire major street just so you can run down it? Did you know that we live in Texas? There is a lot of land around here. Lots of empty country roads. You and your fellows could run around in the middle of the street every day if you wanted, and never interfere with someones commute. Other people have places to go, and while it may not seem as important to you as jogging in the middle of the road, flanked by orange cones and traffic cops, pouring water on your face or whatever, it's probably pretty important to them.
What's that you say? You need to close down a major street and run around on it so people will watch you, making the effort real and worth it because of the attention you receive? Or maybe drawing attention to whatever charity you are running for? Guess what? When I see your charity's name from now on I will think--Those motherfuckers made me late to pick my daughter up so they could run in the road.
Here's an idea. Donate the 20 dollars you made with your "pledges" to your charity and then buy yourself a treadmill. Or jog in place while watching Tyra like a normal person. If you need people to watch you, get a webcam and pretend you are inconveniencing hundreds of people on a whim.
" Here I am, waving to your car as you are forced to take a detour miles out of your way! I want to run in the road!" It may not be as satisfying to you, but your chances of getting run over by someone like me lessen considerably when you GET. OUT. OF. THE. FUCKING. STREET.


  1. ur such a beeyatch!
    love it.

    call a brother.

  2. Amen sister! New Orleans has several marathons throughout the year and they always are down major streets. In fact, the Mardi Gras marathon is this Sunday (and Mardi Gras isn't until Feb. 24th) and it goes down St. Charles Ave and will totally cut me off from the rest of the city. I feel your pain!

  3. Think trip wires and Diesel truck horns! rubypearlz Max

  4. Wow. Hostile, much? Maybe consider chilling just a bit ... it's only one day. And here's a news flash: People in cars don't own the road! They just act like they do...

  5. Entitlement!! Subject of the day... Personally I hate running marathons down a busy street.Actually I don't really run "road" marathons anymore.I hit the trails and carry my own water.

    So can we be friends now??

  6. Anonymous, Much? Believe strongly enough in what you're saying to leave your real name and then I'll take you seriously. You're right I should chill more. But you're wrong in that it's just one day. Austin has HUNDREDS of these a year, all over town, and the city does a poor job of warning you when the road will be closed off. Just Saturday my father in law sat in the car for 45 minutes literally 1/2 a mile from here waiting to be let through because of a marathon.
    Roads are for cars. Hike and bike trails are for bikes and sidewalks are for people. Period. I wish they would make every major street in town bike friendly, with wide lanes.If the city planners did that, I would ride everywhere.
    But I still think there are more innovative and creative ways to excercise and draw attention to a charity that don't involve running in the godamn street.

  7. "Roads are for cars. Hike and bike trails are for bikes and sidewalks are for people"

    GODDAMNIT! I wanted to say that :(